Breaking the Silence: How to Talk About Mental Health

 “Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say, ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say, ‘My heart is broken.’ 

C.S. LEWIS

For those with mental health challenges, the simple question “how are you” can be more difficult to navigate, even with those closest. How do you tell someone that you had a hard time getting out of bed? Or that you’ve lost the ability to feel joy? That you wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. Or can’t complete anything because you’re unable to focus. Instead of admitting you’re struggling, you force a smile and nod and say “fine” while inside you’re screaming for help.

The term mental illness covers a wide range of disorders that can affect mood, thinking, or behaviour and includes depression, anxiety, ADD, schizophrenia and addiction, among others. Trauma from an event over which the person had no control is often at the root of the illness. By the age of 40, 1 in 2 persons will have experienced mental illness during their lifetime. In any given year, 1 in 5 will be affected by a mental disorder. That’s 20% of the population. The chances are high you already know someone who lives with a mental illness – it could be a friend, a coworker, a neighbor or a member of your family.

Considering how common mental illness is, it’s surprising how many suffer in silence. While we are more aware of it’s presence in society, particularly since the onset of covid and the impact isolation has had on people, stigma still prevents most from being open about the challenges they and those they love face. Only half of those who experience mental health disorders are willing to raise the topic. Their reasons include:

• Fear of judgment, rejection, exclusion or loss of esteem
• Fear of being dismissed, ridiculed or blamed
• Shame from not being “normal”
• Not wanting to burden others
• Uncertainty how to clearly explain the experience
• Pride and the belief one should be able to fix it themselves
• Cultural expectations

The fears are not unfounded. Studies have shown that almost half of respondents will avoid developing relationships or spending time with persons with mental illness. A lack of understanding is often the cause. Just as a person with diabetes is not defined by their disease, a person with depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorder is a whole person with the same wants and needs as anyone else.

The only way to break the stigma around mental health is to bring it into the light and begin the conversation. As with any goal, planning is the key to a successful outcome.

1. If you haven’t already, talk to your doctor who can direct you in the right treatments.
2. Learn as much as you can about your illness so you’re well informed and can answer questions.
3. Decide what result you want to see at the end of the conversation. Do you want patience and understanding? Support and inclusion? Someone to listen without trying to fix you?
4. Arrange a time to talk about it. Let the other person know you want to discuss something personal and that you would appreciate their support.
5. Choose a time when you’re the least stressed and a location or method that makes you feel most comfortable and at ease. If you’re meeting in person, consider taking a walk in the woods or along a river bank. Being out in nature is a natural stress reliever and talking about difficult topics can be easier if you’re not face to face.
6. Consider what you’re going to say. Write it out and practice it so you feel comfortable with the words. Working with your coach or therapist can help you decide what you’re comfortable sharing and roleplay the conversation.
7. Be honest about your experience and what you need from the other person.
8. Expect to be surprised. People are far more compassionate than we ever expect them to be.

The more we can talk openly about mental health and the challenges people with mental illness face, the better we can create an environment of acceptance and support that allows for connection and understanding.

You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person.
It makes you human.

Lori Deschene

when I was hungry, drank when I was thirsty, rested when I was tired, and cooled my feet in the rivers the towns were invariably built around.

The body wasn’t only telling me what I needed physically, it was showing me where I was holding onto the pain and the past. As I walked, the tension I’d been carrying for so long began to slip from me. My shoulders dropped away from my ears, the tightness in my chest eased, and my stride became more fluid.

Aside from allowing us to manage our daily lives, our bodies carry our feelings, our worries, our memories – good and bad – as well as the traumas buried deep within. When we ignore the warnings our body gives us – pain, tension, exhaustion – we create an environment ripe for illness and disease, both mental and physical.

When was the last time you listened to your body? Why not take a moment now, sit in silence and just listen.

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are ‘me too.’ That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road.

Unknown

Offering insights into the reasons behind behaviour, the book provides an optimistic outlook surrounding the brain’s ability to repair damaged connections and develop work arounds that can improve symptoms. The tools Maté provides are designed to help parents, teachers and professionals provide the right environment to promote healing.

A must-read if you have a child with ADD or suspect you also have some of the traits of ADD.

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