My mother taught elementary school for 35 years and I would often run into former students of hers. The first time we met, one in particular told me how my mom had failed him in Grade 5 and he had to repeat the year. For an 10 year old boy, being apart from his friends was a big deal, and I steeled myself for what would come next. His reaction, however, surprised me. “Best thing anyone ever did for me,” he boasted with a grin, then went on to tell me she was the best teacher he ever had.
Most of us have stories of failure, whether on the job, in a relationship, or in personal pursuits. The failures can be small, like striking out at bat in a pre-season game, or life-altering, like being fired or getting divorced. (I’ve experienced all three!) Some are easily sloughed off with minor embarassment. Others cut to the bone, shaking your confidence, and turning your world upside down with the expected pain and grief that follows.
How you view failure, whether as a negative or a positive experience, is often learned in childhood. If you are taught your self-worth is tied to accomplishment, you will see failure as a negative reflection of yourself and your abilities. The black mark on your permanent record that will haunt you for life. If you’re taught to brush it off and try again, failing simply becomes a small obstacle to be overcome on the road to achievement. How you choose to view it is up to you.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Thomas A. Edison
Defined as “a lack of success”, failure is not only inevitable in life, it’s also necessary. Like the pain of putting your hand on a hot stove, failure provides an opportunity for for learning and growth. As much as it might sting at the time, the pain is temporary. The lesson is priceless.
Failing Teaches Humility and Compassion
When we fail, we’re faced with our own imperfect humanity. We discover our limitations and are provided the opportunity to move beyond them. We can acknowledge we may need help, which in turn encourages us to turn to others for guidance or mentoring. When we embrace failure as a natural and common experience in life, we recognize we’re just like anyone else. This allows us to show compassion and support to others when they experience their own failure.
It Helps Develop Resilience
Resilience is the ability to accept a situation and move forward in spite of it. When we fail, we’re given a choice in how we deal with it. Do we quit? Or do we regroup and try again? The more we fail, the more we realize that it isn’t the end of the world. We begin to accept the failure as a part of the process without letting it derail our efforts to reach our goals.
It Promotes Creative Solutions
When we fail, we learn what doesn’t work. We also learn where our blind spots may be. In business, we have the opportunity to question what we missed when we developed our plan. In relationships, we can ask what it is we don’t see in ourselves that may have contributed to the conflict. Failing encourages us to look beyond our experience or knowledge and think in more creative ways to find a solution that will work.
You Discover Your Interests, Talents and Passions
Taking the risk of trying – and failing – at things you’ve never done helps you to discover your natural talents, determine what doesn’t interest, and embrace what does. You’re more apt to take a second, third or fourth shot at something you’re passionate about.
You Find Out Who Your Friends Are
It’s no secret that we all have friends when life is good and going well. When you fail, particularly when you fail big, you discover very quickly who is in your corner and who is not. Your true friends won’t hold your failure against you. They will be the ones who boost your spirits and encourage you to try again.
It Becomes Part of Your Success Story
To be successful and to reach your goals or potential, it’s important to take risks. The more risks you take, the more you’re likely to fail. The more you fail, the more you learn. When you do finally succeed, those failures become part of your story to be passed on for others to learn from. Some of those failures might even become the hilarious stories you share around the dinner table with friends and family. (Remember when . . .?)
By embracing failure as an opportunity for growth, we can minimize the pain and discover the beauty in it.
Have you ever failed at something? Did it become a funny story? A lesson you shared with others? I would love to hear about it!
Share your story in the comments.
Books That Inspire Growth
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey
First published in 1989, the classic business handbook hasn’t lost its power to inspire and influence readers all over the world. Updated by Sean Covey, The 7 Habits focuses on developing character and reshaping your life and relationships from the inside out.
By showing how our perceptions can create misunderstanding and conflict in relationships, Covey encourages readers to focus on what we can control and seek to understand in order to achieve a win-win for both parties, whether in business or in our personal lives.
JEANNE M WALSH COACHING 
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