Beware the Ides of March . . . (Or How to Deal with Jealousy on the Way to Success)
You may be familiar with the story of Julius Caesar, the Roman consul and general made famous by Shakespeare. Benevolent and well-loved, he’s murdered by his jealous friends and compatriots who fear his power and the adoration he elicits from the people.
When you begin a new chapter, in your life, you hope the people you love will share your excitement and offer their support and encouragement. In many cases, that’s exactly what you receive. What happens, though, when you don’t?
It’s not uncommon when you embark on a new journey to encounter the naysayers, the ones who like to play devil’s advocate with all the things that could go wrong, who challenge your optimism, or minimize your prospects. Often, these people genuinely care for you and have your best interests at heart, misguided as their advice may be.
Then there are those who will distance themselves as your goal becomes more concrete and you begin to see results and small successes. They may show disinterest or become dismissive of your success, offering passive-aggressive or back-handed compliments that plant seeds of doubt. They may become competitive, trying to one-up you, or even undermine your success through gossip that discredits your efforts. These reactions from friends, family and collegues can leave you surprised, confused, and even hurt.
Why Jealousy Occurs
In navigating the complexities of relationships during periods of change, it helps to understand where the reaction originates. Jealousy often stems from a sense of inadequacy or insecurity. Your friend may have internalized disappointments they’ve experienced and your success triggers those feelings. They may feel envious seeing you moving forward if they themselves feel stuck in a rut. You may be achieving something they want for themselves and they find it difficult to be happy for you.
Fear of how the changes in your life might affect your relationship could also play a role in creating jealousy. If they worry you will no longer have time for them, friends may pull away in preparation for what they see as an inevitable and react with resentment.
Understand that their reaction isn’t about you. Your have no reason to feel guilty about pursuing your dreams or achieving your goals.
How to Address It
If this relationship is one you value, an honest conversation could make the difference. Before you meet, though, know in advance what it is you want to accomplish. Identify your boundaries so you can set the expectation. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand and respect their position. Take a time to consider your own behaviour and how you may have contributed to the situation.
If your friend is feeling insecure, you may want to try to fix the problem for them or offer encouragement to change. Unless they ask for your help or guidance, don’t offer it. Their feelings and needs are something they have to sort out for themselves in their own time.
In most cases, an open and honest discussion will solve the problem and lead to a happier and healthier relationship.
When to Walk Away
Not all relationships, however, can or should be continued if the jealous behaviour is affecting your mental health or your potential to achieve your goals. If you’ve talked to your friend and they continue to cross your boundaries, undermine your efforts, or disparage you to others, it’s time to walk away. If this is happening in a work relationship, keeping a record of all interactions with the person could be necessary in case it becomes an employment issue.
The decision to end any relationship can be a difficult one. Living your best life often means letting go of those things and people that hold you back. As painful as these experiences may be, they are an opportunity to redefine your needs, your values, and your boundaries. Seek out relationships that bring positivity, encouragement and joy to your life.
Inspiring Stories
Meet “Emerald the Dragon“
Artist Nickie Lewis was inspired to find a way to showcase her art when covid restrictions put a damper on gallery displays. Hidden along the trails in a public park, her whimsical sculptures have brought joy to hundreds of local residents and encouraged families to get outside and explore.
“When we try to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better , too.”
The Alchemist
Books That Inspire
The Alchemist, Paolo Coelho
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”
Santiago is a simple shepherd with a desire to see the world. While contemplating his options, a chance encounter with an old man sets him off on a journey across Africa in search of treasure, only to discover his Personal Legend along the way. Simply written with elements of magic and spirituality, The Alchemist is a reminder we each have a purpose in life and it’s never too late to set out on our own quest.
Coming in May
In the fall of 2015, I set out on my own journey in search of my Personal Legend and walked the 800 km Camino de Santiago. A pilgrimage that dates back to the 9th century, Camino is a metaphor for life – sometimes hard, sometimes easy, every moment a choice that determines your direction. It is also a lesson in setting and achieving goals. Sign up and join my weekly video series Camino de Santiago: Lessons in Life and discover the 12 keys to successfully setting and achieving your dreams.
Wellness Resources
What’s your personality type? Are you knowledge-based or are you more action-oriented? Do you make decisions based on feelings or logic? Have you ever wanted a simple way to better understand yourself and the people around you? Crack My Code is a FREE and simple personality test that takes 90 seconds to complete. Simply by ranking four cards in order of importance, your “code” is revealed. A personality report is generated that explains your code and provides actionable tips to improve communication with others.
If you’re looking for a fun exercise to do with your friends, family or partner, or you just want to better understand yourself, give it a try and let me know your code!
JEANNE M WALSH COACHING 